Here but not really

Do you ever feel like your floating?
Like your not really here there or anywhere. Your mind wanders and you daydream wishing they were real.

You desperately grip onto all if any hope you have left. One day it will get better you whisper. But you don’t believe the words you rely on.

The days, months and years fly by but you don’t feel any better. Others say your strong for keeping going but what other option is there? I’m not living but surviving you say.

The memory’s haunt you like a ghost does in a haunted house. The events happen all over again daily but deep down you know it’s not real. But then again you feel trapped within your own mind.

HELP you cry but who are you calling to?

Not living but surviving

Sitting on the bus realising I am just a small fish in this massive pond. Who am I?

Everyday is the same. I’m stuck on repeat. Sleep, exercise, eat repeat. What am I doing?

The swirling tornado of fear springs upon me at any given time. Which fear this time?

Sitting alone while my family laugh downstairs. Why am I so lonely?

Listening to the voices whisper, shout and moan. When will they leave me alone?

Not eating right to please ‘them’. The binge, starve cycles are my life. When will this stop?

 
I want to recover but I’m not. I’m letting ‘them’ win. I want to win but I can’t or maybe a part of me won’t. This isn’t life. I’m not living but surviving.